i like the rain

i like the rain because it makes a sound i like when it hits the leaves
a symphony of rain and leaves with grey sky backdrop
dancing bobbing swaying lush branches and leaves and rain
it makes me feel that anything is possible
ferris bueller possible

dress for a wedding

I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT TO WEAR COME SATURDAY
AND I WILL PROBABLY HAVE A PANIC ATTACK THAT DAY AS AN ACCESSORY
SO EVERYDAY BETWEEN NOW AND THEN
I HAVE TO STEEL MYSELF OUT OF ANXIETY TO SAVE THE FEW CHILL PILLS I DO HAVE
I ALSO NEED TO STAY SOBER TIL THEN
FOR MY WAISTLINE
AND MY BRAINLINE

I HAVE SO MANY CLOTHES AND NONE OF THEM ARE SUITABLE

art show insomnia

i finally stopped deluding myself

over how fucking behind and ill-prepared i am for this

i awoke at 4am

swiftly thought myself into hysterics

and still

i have done nothing more about it

this is why

you hate me because you are sick of yourselves

you are bored and boring and ordinary

you cannot purchase interesting

you can't just one day suddenly become deep

depth about fabricated nite's out don't count

also

posturing with cigarettes

sitting on sidewalks

posed moments

after hours

then writing about it like, oh, so important?

doppleganging yourself and your friends

encircling your own circles

killing the scene, not the way you think i mean

when it passes and it's over what profound witticism will you concoct

crepe

i just realised that i did not crap yet today

it's ok though

cos i am pretty sure that i did so

yesterday

based on today's diet so far i feel like i probably won't be crapping today

unless i do a bunch of coke

or i'm out at a bar and someone starts telling me a coke story

or i starve myself til dinner then have a glass of red wine and a caesar salad and you tell me a long pointless story i can't get out of listening to

then i will for sure shit myself

crapping is important because it is my only weight loss regime

i feel like laxatives would be cheating haha but coke isn't

i don't do coke anymore

anyway i will let you know what's up later cos i know you want to know and care