i feel things deeply

this poem is titled I AM STEAMED

2008-10-06T08:15:00.001-07:00

so this "curator" for my show is a total pompous hippie snot, she talks down to me and is three years my junior. she met her "partner" hitchhiking. she put her name on my fliers as curated by: her name. um, curated would mean hand-selecting the pieces, actually looking at them with your EYES and working with the artist, not being a total annoying flake trying to hog all the glory. i told her i don't need your help with the installation it's fine you have your double shifts whatever, long pause, then she says well the only part of this i was mildly interested in was the installation. oh, is that so? i still don't fucking need you. this is my show, i can install it with a fucking monkey. today wasn't even confirmed for the installation yet she's like there's a problem about tomorrow cos i'm working - DUDE i don't care! when i met her at the printing place to get fliers her partner was there with a backpack and a cultish huge gross beard totally hovering, she emails me late at nite and i'm already out then calls me and says ok meeting you at midnite here on a weeknite. she's basically volunteering for this, for her CV. so she's going to put my show in her little portfolio, how fraudulent, she's done shit all. she says if she isn't part of the installation then she's done all this work for nothing. WHAT WORK WHAT FUCKING WORK HAVE YOU DONE!?!??!?!?!??!?!?!??!?!

SO STEAMED!

i am so beyond unimpressed and bummed out by this chick. well, it is an annex bar so i guess it was expected. she has a nose piercing through her septum too. ugh.

ok that wasn't really a poem sorry, can't put this on the mother blog cos who knows if she looks at it, probably when her partner sensually rubs organic salve into her poor achy back.

fil wants us to refer to each other as partner now.

BARF.

she said a ton of hippie dippie shit to me on the phone just now like about a flow and whatever and i said yeah i get it! to cut her off. i hope she isn't under the impression that she's going to be deciding what pieces will be hung where, cos we are so going to have some fucking words BIG TIME. i installed my last show with a friend, but all the thinking and placement was up to me. fuck this chick!

i like the rain

2008-09-27T08:08:00.000-07:00

i like the rain because it makes a sound i like when it hits the leaves
a symphony of rain and leaves with grey sky backdrop
dancing bobbing swaying lush branches and leaves and rain
it makes me feel that anything is possible
ferris bueller possible

dress for a wedding

2008-09-23T11:51:00.000-07:00

I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT TO WEAR COME SATURDAY
AND I WILL PROBABLY HAVE A PANIC ATTACK THAT DAY AS AN ACCESSORY
SO EVERYDAY BETWEEN NOW AND THEN
I HAVE TO STEEL MYSELF OUT OF ANXIETY TO SAVE THE FEW CHILL PILLS I DO HAVE
I ALSO NEED TO STAY SOBER TIL THEN
FOR MY WAISTLINE
AND MY BRAINLINE

I HAVE SO MANY CLOTHES AND NONE OF THEM ARE SUITABLE

art show insomnia

2008-09-23T11:47:00.001-07:00

i finally stopped deluding myself

over how fucking behind and ill-prepared i am for this

i awoke at 4am

swiftly thought myself into hysterics

and still

i have done nothing more about it

this is why

2008-09-22T11:25:00.000-07:00

you hate me because you are sick of yourselves

you are bored and boring and ordinary

you cannot purchase interesting

you can't just one day suddenly become deep

depth about fabricated nite's out don't count

also

posturing with cigarettes

sitting on sidewalks

posed moments

after hours

then writing about it like, oh, so important?

doppleganging yourself and your friends

encircling your own circles

killing the scene, not the way you think i mean

when it passes and it's over what profound witticism will you concoct

crepe

2008-09-22T11:20:00.000-07:00

i just realised that i did not crap yet today

it's ok though

cos i am pretty sure that i did so

yesterday

based on today's diet so far i feel like i probably won't be crapping today

unless i do a bunch of coke

or i'm out at a bar and someone starts telling me a coke story

or i starve myself til dinner then have a glass of red wine and a caesar salad and you tell me a long pointless story i can't get out of listening to

then i will for sure shit myself

crapping is important because it is my only weight loss regime

i feel like laxatives would be cheating haha but coke isn't

i don't do coke anymore

anyway i will let you know what's up later cos i know you want to know and care